Counting Calories

What a difference I feel on days when I get on top of my calories!  Because I have no appetite, it is so easy to get behind on my calorie intake.  Once that happens, I feel very weak and sick to my stomach,  and then I become kind of irrational about all food.  I become convinced there is absolutely nothing I could possibly eat.  Playing catch-up at this point is depressing, and things just spiral downward from there.

I had quite a meltdown on Saturday night--depressed, crying, crying, depressed.  I just felt sick of being sick and wondering when I would ever not feel sick again.  I was way behind on the calories and had been for a few days.

Saturday night, I received some much needed help and that help flowed over into today.

I got on top of the calories early on this morning and was able to stay on top of them all day.  What a difference it made in how I felt and felt about the world!  I know this is not unusual.  Food and sleep are fundamental for all of us to feel at our peak.  I've really got to work hard this week to stick to the basics--managing the conditions so that I can get the best sleep possible, and stay on top of my calorie intake so that I can have the energy to keep fighting.

I sported my new, fancy hairdo at church today.  Everyone was so nice.  It was a good trial run for next week's bald debut.

Thank you for another avalanche of light and love this past week! There are no words to express my gratitude.  This journey is so hard for me.  I wish I were cooler, stronger, and more independent right now but I am not.  Your prayers and support are so important to me.

When I walked into church today, a little boy ran up to me and said, "Sister Du Bois, I am praying for you."  Then his little brother said, "I am praying for you, too."  It melted my heart.  Thank you so much