Chemo Makes Me Feel Crummy

This is going to be a very short update.

Chemo makes me feel crummy.  The whole day I have felt listless and lethargic.  Food was a problem.  I don't even know what else to say.  Today was not my best day!

Here's to a better tomorrow....still planning to road trip!  I can be lethargic on the couch or in the car, right?  Wish me luck.

I Feel Like Cinderella

I had an amazing 24 hours!!!  I felt normal and it was fabulous!  Then, today, at the stroke of 4:00pm, the magic wore off, the coach turned back into a pumpkin, and we are back to crazy land.
But what a wonderful 24 hours it was!

I got up this morning feeling great.  I got some work done, wrote some letters, got ready for the day.  Then, at 9:45, my dear friend came over, and we went together to do ordinance work at the Boise Temple.  It was so great to be there and to feel so good the whole time.  As we were leaving, we ran into another dear friend, BB, who was just arriving.  It was so nice.

We went to lunch at Subway, and I ate an entire Subway salad and loved it!  Salad is my absolute favorite food, and I haven't eaten a single bite of salad since July...so fun.

Lynette dropped me off at Amity's so she could help me with my homework.  We spent a couple of hours taking two tests, and we got 100% on both.  I couldn't stay in school right now if it weren't for her help.

I started melting at about 3:30pm and was fully melted by 4:00.  Fatigue is a side effect of  the chemotherapy.  I spent the rest of the afternoon fighting the urge to sleep because I didn't want to ruin my chances of a full night's sleep.  Fortunately, two wonderful friends came to visit at 7:30pm and we were able to have a nice visit.  I was certainly less than entertaining, but it was so nice to have them here and to feel their love.  I am blessed with wonderful people in my life.

I am trying with all of my little girl heart to get down to Utah for the weekend.  Everything is set up and ready to roll, but I have just got to feel well enough to make the trip down there.  I will meet up with so much family once I get there that I know I will be in good hands....it's just the travel piece still to gear up for.  Do I hear a three cheers for General Conference this weekend?  Hip Hip Hooray!

Christmas in September!

Because I've felt so awful as of late, I have looked forward to this second chemo as if it were Christmas day.

Amity dropped me off at the hospital at 8:30am for blood draws and then a 9:00am appointment with my medical oncologist.  I felt as crummy as could be.  I was so lethargic, I didn't even want to answer his questions.  Once again, we talked about my calorie intake and the realities of chemotherapy side effects.  He mentioned that I had lost five more pounds since last week...he added some meds and removed others.  It is tricky finding a balance that works.

Once we finished, it was time for the grand event.

I got to choose between sitting in a public area in a recliner or lounging in a private room with a bed. I totally chose the private room with a bed, and it was fabulous.  Melissa was with me the whole time.  I can't imagine doing any of this without her.  As a seasoned medical professional, she speaks and understands the language, knows what to ask, and how to help.  She, alone, may be the reason I was so clearly guided to receive my treatments here in Boise.

I was pumped full of pre-meds through my fancy port, followed by five hours of chemotherapy.
The oncology dietitian came in again to talk to me about how to get more calories.  She does a good job; I always get a good idea or two from her.

Melissa and I visited for about an hour, watched some of Elder Scott's funeral, then I started getting tired, so I thought I should sleep.  I think I fell asleep for at least two hours.  Whatever they put in those pre-meds is powerful stuff!  I slept last time, too.  After being with me all day, Melissa had to leave shortly before the finish.  Jeanette came and picked me up to take me home.

On the way home, I had so much energy, and I felt SO great!  I couldn't believe it.  I had no pain, no nausea, no blechy feeling, no bad--all good!  I even felt like eating!

I knew it could all be gone in an instant, so I just jumped right on the wave and rode it as far as it would go.

I told Jeanette I wanted to go eat angel hair pasta with marinara sauce at Olive Garden.  I think she broke the speed limit driving there knowing how quickly the desire could pass.  We got right in and had the absolute best waitress who was as excited for me as I was for myself.  I told her I couldn't remember the last time I had eaten more than two bites of anything since July; this was truly a big moment. Our order came out quickly, and I dove into that pasta!  It was perfect.  I loved it and ate the whole thing!

A few minutes into the meal, the manager came out and visited with us.  He said the waitress (Susan) had told him my story.  He came out to congratulate me and said that my meal would be covered by the Olive Garden AND that anytime in the future that I wanted to come back and eat that same dish, it would be comp'd each time.  Woo-Hoo!  Super good customer service for sure!

After the best meal of my life, I still felt great, so I wanted to go for a walk at the Boise Greenbelt.  It was perfect weather--beautiful fall trees and water, and I had plenty of stamina to do the walk. Yesterday, I did a Sunday walk with my sister's family around Settler's Park and had to sit down every 100 feet because I was so weak.  Not today!

After the Greenbelt, I came home, got my shot, took my evening meds, and then went to an FHE pool party at a friend's house in Kuna.  I still felt great and very normal.

I have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but I can't waste any of today thinking about tomorrow because

Today was awesome!

My private room

End of Elder Scott's funeral

Not a great photo, in fact Melissa looks annoyed, but it was the only one I could sneak of her while we were in the room.  And she was not annoyed.  She's my secret weapon.

Olive Garden angel hair pasta with marinara

Loving the pasta

Done! 

My favorite house along the Greenbelt.  I call this house Candy Land

FHE pool party with dear friends

We were neighbors in Meridian who used to share a back fence until we both moved

I Made It To Church

Oh, I have just felt so crummy for the past few days.

I always look forward to church on Sunday.  I have especially looked forward to this Sunday.  My nieces had their Primary program at 9am, my ward's program at 11am, and then teaching my sweet class after sacrament meeting.  After such a lethargic weekend, I knew all of that would be a tall order.

After a really rough morning, I knew I wasn't going to make it to my nieces' program.  By 10:00, I felt so sick--it was time to call a substitute for Primary.  Thank heavens for a wonderful friend who jumped right in and lifted my burden.  I managed to make it to my own ward's Primary program.  I just couldn't bear to miss it.  Of course, it was perfect in every way.  I bolted for the exit the minute it ended because I felt so sick, and I remained sick for the rest of the day.  Ugh.

I have been so humbled and so touched by those who have fasted in my behalf today.  I have my second chemotherapy tomorrow morning, and I can use all the added strength, power, and comfort your fasting and prayers give me.  I thank you, and your children, from the bottom of my grateful heart.  Thank you.

I know He lives
I will follow faithfully
My heart I give to Him
I know that my Savior loves me.

Figuring Out New Normal

Lately, I am trying to figure out my new normal.  I'm starting to think that if I'm waiting to feel good to really get things done, I may never get anything done.  It seems as if, for now, feeling good may be defined better as "feeling less bad". This whole thing is still so new to me.  I've always been quite healthy.  I'm not a person who has ever lived in chronic pain.  
I'm gaining a great appreciation for people who live their day-to-day life feeling sick all the time.  I don't know how they do it with a positive attitude, a skip in their step, and a smile on their face.  I am trying so hard but I do not think I am doing a very good job.  How do I smile through every bite of food that looks, smells, and tastes disgusting?  I feel awful most of the time and my face and body language show it.  I want to be a good little sick person.  It is hard for me.  
Below are two messages that spoke to me in the General Women's Session of conference.  I want to be more like the little pioneer girl in the picture and I hope I won't give up trying. 

“Don’t give up. Don’t you quit. You keep walking. You keep trying. There is help and happiness ahead—a lot of it. You keep your chin up. It will be all right in the end. Trust God and believe in good things to come.”
Jeffrey Holland October, 1999

From Vomit to the Village

Food troubles again.

I started the day with a protein drink, medications and my shot and then went for my little morning walk around the block.  Five minutes later, I threw up everything and never got a handle on the calories the rest of the day. I think I got down maybe 400 - 500 calories today. I really tried but throwing up the first meal of the day made me feel a  little gun shy later on.

My parents are still here and we ended the day at The Village at Meridian watching the outdoor water show.  It was fabulous to be outside enjoying the comfortable fall air--what a beautiful time of year!

One Hat, Two Hat; Red Hat, Blue Hat

Today was my first day as Baldy.  It didn't bother me at all.  I would even forget about it until someone would come over and make a comment that I would remember,  "Oh yeah, I'm bald!"
I FaceTimed with my sister's family in California tonight.  Upon seeing my bald head on the screen, one of the children said, "I can't look!" and turned away.  One said, "Put that hat back on right now!"  And the 4 year-old said, "You look like Ronald!"  (He is my brother-in-law who is battling Leukemia.)  Another 4 year-old niece who saw me today said, "Michelle, you look different with no hair."

Today, I received a handful of hats in the mail from family and friends.  Here is a sampling:

I don't really know how I will cover the baldness in public but I'm sure we will figure something out.


My parents are here to visit me until Friday.  They are great!
It's funny to see how hard they try to get me to eat.
I told them I just eat little bits of lots of things in the attempt to get in the calories.
The whole experience is both amusing and exhausting.  I'm so glad they are trying.