Telling the Family

I have always been a relatively private little gal when it comes to sharing personal information.  I've rarely found myself in trouble for speaking before thinking, but I have LOTS of experience with thinking so much that I don't speak at all.
This can be a dilemma when you are sitting on this kind of information.
I received the diagnosis Tuesday morning and, after that one initial phone call, decided almost instantly that I would keep the results to myself  until Sunday.  It made perfect sense to me.  My brother-in-law would be starting his pre-bone marrow transplant chemotherapy on Thursday so some of the family would be at Huntsman, and my newest nephew, Berrett, was being blessed on Sunday so some of my family was gathering in San Francisco for the weekend. (I was supposed to be in San Fran but my clots decided otherwise).  Why would I add to the stress or cast a shadow on any of that? This could definitely wait.
I was still holding strong as Tuesday night rolled around.  My sister, Stephanie, called to find out about my CT scan.  I told her there was something weird with my ovary or something like that and that I didn't really know exactly what was going on.
If you know her, you'll recognize the high pitched tone that came next, "WHAT DO YOU MEAN THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON??!!!  (I have to admit I was a little frightened). "Well," I said, "I think they do but I don't think I'm ready to talk about it quite yet." High-pitched tone continues (some would call it borderline yelling or screaming): "WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE NOT READY TO TALK ABOUT IT?!  YOU TELL ME RIGHT NOW!! (More fear ensues).  I am determined to hold strong amidst the fear.  I mustn't ruin everyone's weekend.  I held my ground. She pushed.  I held my ground.  She pushed.  I was not wearing down; in fact, I found myself getting stronger.  Victory was mine!
Then, she found my achilles heel and it was all over.  She said (with no more scary screaming), "Michelle, if there is one thing I have learned watching my husband battle his cancer, it is that you need every prayer, especially from all of the children, if you are going to have the strength you need for whatever is going on and the sooner you get that started, the sooner you will feel the power of their prayers." Defeat, but victory really, because I knew from watching Ronald's journey that she was right.
By midnight all of my immediate family knew as much as I did.  I won't go into the details of the tender conversations I had with my family members that night but it was just as you would expect in a situation like this. It is devastating.  It involves deep, deep, rip your heart out feelings.  There is nothing fun about it. Love seems to operate in extremes that lead to happiest of happy and the saddest of the sad.  It's the price we pay for loving each other.
Pullin' Together We Can Work It Out